[Workplace] Communication 101

Time and again I’ve seen it. Perhaps you have, too. A person seems to have everything necessary for success — knowledge, technical aptitude, brains, creativity and guts — yet they cannot "get to the top." Why? In my observation, nine times out of 10, what’s missing is one skill that has the power to hold back even the most technically gifted people — the ability to communicate effectively.

A person can possess every other skill, but without this one, his or her chances of achieving great success are limited. In fact, the more prominent the role a person holds, the greater the expectation and need to communicate effectively. Think about it...the ability to communicate effectively is at the heart of every relationship from friendships and marriages to employees and customers. Some of the most effective communicators are politicians and salespeople — they have learned how to use their communication abilities to their greatest advantage (or, shall I say some of them have learned how to use their communication abilities).

Of course, the ability to communicate effectively is not unlike most leadership or parenting skills; that is, none of us were born with it. Nor did the majority of us take a course to learn "how to communicate." Yet, there’s an assumption in life that if you learn how to speak and write, then you know how to communicate! Ha! Communicating effectively goes well beyond knowledge of the ABCs, proper spelling and grammar or clear enunciation. It has much more to do with psychology than mechanics. While I’m no psychologist, I can share with you some interesting observations about communication from my own consulting experiences. In fact, I have observed a number of common management practices that, without fail, impede communication. Perhaps you have experienced these as well.

MANAGEMENT PRACTICES. Here are some examples of common management practices. I’ll limit the list to six...

• The Over-Emotional Communicator. This manager can’t seem to check his emotions at the door. Whether he’s discussing a customer issue or a paycheck, his emotions, inevitably, get in the way. He is excitable, unpredictable, anxious and seemingly, unhappy all the time.

• The Defensive Communicator. This manager takes everything personally and constantly feels she must defend her turf. She does not take constructive criticism well, appears angry, is quick-tempered and is unwilling to admit mistakes or take responsibility for her actions. She simply cannot let go of her own agenda.

• The Uninterested Communicator. This manager has never learned how to actively listen. He may stop what he’s doing and appear to listen, but he is so anxious to talk that he never lets his employees finish what they are trying to say. He is famous for interrupting people and doesn’t ask questions to probe deeper or to understand what others are saying. Consequently, he never has developed the ability to build rapport with people.

• The "Foot-in-Mouth" Communicator. This manager inevitably chooses the wrong words to communicate. She is more concerned with saying what she thinks and has never learned to take her time and select meaningful words that are encouraging, friendly and positive. She speaks "off the cuff" and is famous for saying things that are mean-spirited or hurtful.

• The Fearful Communicator. This manager is overly concerned about hurting others’ feelings. He is unassertive and unable to confidently confront problems immediately. He is well liked, but usually not respected as a leader because he lacks the ability to effect change and solve problems.

• The Rambling Communicator. This manager talks in circles, is verbose and creates confusion as he attempts to communicate. To the keen observer, this individual appears unable to understand what he, himself, is trying to communicate. In fact, this lack of self-knowledge or understanding is likely the root of the rambling problem. This manager’s style reminds me of an old consulting cliché — "When all else fails, confuse ’em."

IMPROVING YOUR SKILLS. These managers have never learned the art of effective communication, which ultimately leads to a personal connection with others. The reality is that miscommunication over seemingly simple matters can lead to broken trust and broken relationships in life and in business. Don’t let this happen to you. To help, here are some principles of effective communication:

• Put Yourself Last. To effectively communicate, we must learn some humility. Stop worrying about your own agenda and needs. Listen with your ears, your mind and your "heart." (My 10-year-old daughter keeps telling me that my heart pumps blood and doesn’t have feelings...I’m sure you get what I mean...)

• Don’t Delay Important Messages. It’s human nature that we tend to fill a void in communication with a negative thought or worry that builds and overcomplicates the matter. What you don’t say can have as great an impact as what you do say. Little problems become big problems and, next thing you know, you’re dealing with Goliath and your slingshot is nowhere in sight.

• Expand Your Vocabulary. If you don’t have the words in your head that are necessary to communicate a message, work on your vocabulary! Each time you see a new word, stop, write it down, look it up in the dictionary (or the Internet) and commit the meaning to memory. If you add one new word each week, you’ll see a dramatic change in your ability to communicate. Some of us are still using the same words we learned as a kid — no more, no less. Maybe it’s time to expand our vocabularies.

• Don’t Communicate Through Others. If you have something important to say, don’t rely on someone else to deliver your message. The person you are trying to communicate with will appreciate it much more if it comes from you — good news or bad. And, you eliminate the potential for miscommunication.

• Don’t Burn Bridges. You never have to make a person feel bad in order for him or her to act properly. Stop and think about what you are saying! Plan communications carefully. Choose words that don’t insult/harm another’s dignity.

Effective communication requires practice — keep working on it and you can become a great communicator. Ignore it and you will find that, eventually, all the skill in the world will not make up for lacking the ability to artfully communicate. Exhibit A: the Dixie Chicks...

The author is president of Seawright & Associates Inc., a management consulting firm. She can be reached at 407/645-2433 or jseawright@pctonline.com.