[Employee Relations] The Right Way to Disagree with Direct Reports

In my coaching work, I’m sometimes asked what to do if you’re a manager and one of your direct reports has strong opinions on a topic, and you believe his or her suggestions just won’t work.

My teacher and mentor, Paul Hersey, a behavioral scientist who co-developed the Situational Leadership method, always taught me "leadership is not a popularity contest." You, as a leader, have to be focused on achieving the mission. Sometimes this means disagreement with your direct reports and taking a stand on tough issues.

On the other hand, my friend and colleague Jim Kouzes, co-author of the best-selling book, "The Leadership Challenge," points out that "leadership is not an unpopularity contest." Great leaders focus on building positive, lasting relationships with the people they lead — and should be sensitive to how they are perceived by direct reports.

Is Winning Worth it? Begin with a philosophy of doing what is right while at the same time involving and empowering great people.

Then ask yourself a simple question: "Is winning this battle worth it?" If you believe that this is an important issue for the company, stand your ground. If it is important to your direct report and insignificant to the company, let it go.

Listen and think before responding. Sometimes if you just back away and reflect, you will see things from a different and clearer perspective.

• If you can execute components of the employee’s ideas, do it. Your direct reports do not expect you to do everything they suggest.
• If you finally just disagree, respectfully let him or her know that you have listened to his/her ideas, thought carefully about them, and chosen not to execute them at this time. Explain your logic, but don’t try to prove that he/she is wrong.

They May Not be Wrong. Chances are that all your direct reports are generally bright and interested in what they are doing, especially the ones who take the initiative to make suggestions. The fact that your ideas differ from theirs on this point does not always mean that he/she is wrong. As difficult as it may be to believe, sometimes you are wrong. Thank her for her ideas and for taking the initiative to present them to you. Point out to her that well-meaning, intelligent people can disagree.

• Don’t win them all. Be open to going with your direct reports’ ideas when you can — otherwise, they’ll stop offering them up, and you’ll miss out on the benefit of their talent and wisdom.
• When a direct report disagrees with you — and she prevails — support her ideas, just as you want her to support your ideas when you get your way.

The author has written more than 30 books, including "What Got You Here Won’t Get You There."

Reprinted with permission of the Harvard Business Review, July 2008. © Harvard Business School Publishing Corp. All rights reserved.